Warning (overly-short informative version): This series  will contain mature content eventually, as well as shipping and  shipping-related gags, however these will be used in relative modesty  and will take a while to show up so I don't know what they'll do to the  rating. It will also switch POVs without warning.

Warning(overly-long UNinformative  version): While the following mature themes will be spread out, this  story will eventually contain violence and gore, up to and including  character death...sorta. It's a complicated story and there will  be revival involved. Also expect cursing, alcohol references,  disturbing backgrounds, and unwarranted POV changes. The will also be  eventual PhinBella and some CanDeremy, maybe also some FerbNessa, in  addition to plenty of shipping-related gags (expect them to be targeted at PerryShmirtz...which will likely also receive some unintended valid  foe yay ship tease...actually, knowing the workings of the dirty mind,  it's pretty much inevitable...See? I'm doing a shipping gag right now.  AND it's PerryShmirtz, just like I said *shot*). I will not cram these  all down your throat (least not at once), but they will  show up at some point and I may have to raise the rating once enough of  them show up. I probably will, since, ya know, the source material for  this fic is a kids' show? In a more mature-content fandom it'd be a  different story, but unfortunately this is not the case.

WELL  THAT WAS THE LONGEST WARNING EVER. LEAST THE SECOND ONE WAS. Not to  mention about half of it was spent either making obvious statements  regarding how the mature content will likely affect the work or on the  random PerryShmirtz gag in the middle. That's what happens when you come  up with a plot bunny that takes WAAAAAAAY  too much inspiration from the lovechild of Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni  and HetaOni that has TV Tropes for a babysitter. And HetaOni is most  definitely the mom. Which of course makes Higurashi the dad and this  metaphor is obviously Metaphorgotten...yep, Trope-tan is definitely the  babysitter, because TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life...I need to stop. But  yeah, you know all the inspirations for this fic now (and I really  didn't need to say the obvious one) and you can see why this thing is  gonna be so messed up. And if you're familiar with the former two (the  'parents'), one of the plot points. Also the latter (aka the babysitter)  will get a lot of Shout Outs (better known as references) over the  course of this fic, like the use of the term 'Foe Yay' during the  PerryShmirtz joke which really didn't need to be explained, as well as  the lampshading you can see pretty much everywhere in this Author's Note  (just a heads-up). And the Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking where I  mention unwarranted POV changes (which I will explain in the next  paragraph).

And now that that's out of the way, I will just say no, there will not be heavy  mature content. It's more you'd use the regular warning for the mature  filter on DeviantArt on a noticeable amount of chapters which explains  my rating confusion. Especially since this chappie is not one of those.  And about the POV switches, the story is in first person, but which  character is the narrator is going to change frequently. For now, it's  Perry but I guarantee the POV will change sooner or later. I won't tell  you who narrates the prologue but you'll figure it out later in the  story. Which reminds me, yes, I do enjoy drabbley prologues. The  specific format, though, for that one comes from Higurashi. (Told ya,  it's the father.)

Finally, no, I do  not own P&F. Captain Obvious moment? Yes. Especially since, in case  you haven't noticed, this fic is gonna be much darker and more mature,  or, as TV Tropes puts it, Darker and Edgier, than the actual series.

You  want to play a twisted game? Fine, I'll play if I have to. I'll play  all I need to, as much as it takes. I may play for a long time if I  must, but I'll play.

BEEP BEEP

(*chatter*)

I  opened my then-unfocused eyes to see a pillow being thrown across the  room from my right that missed the intended target at the head of one of  the beds in the bedroom. It instead hit the wall a couple feet behind  me and landed on the bed. I moved my head in that direction as Ferb  promptly woke up and turned his own gaze in the direction from which the  pillow came from, where, as expected, Phineas was bringing his left arm  down and whining jokingly about his miss.

"Aw, dang, I missed! Oh well, I'll get it again some other time."

Of course, I thought to myself, jumping down from the bed. Meanwhile the boys started laughing at the playful gesture.

The  Sun was shining through the windows toward the middle of the room that  bright August morning, and as the curtains were generally never down,  you could easily see the weather. There were barely any clouds out, and  you had to wait a few seconds after they passed to see another one. It  was only predictable that today would be just another (ab)normal day for  everyone. Funny, we've been having a lot of those lately, ever since  last summer. Before then, they would happen from time to time, but ever  since the boys built that rollercoaster it seemed there was one  happening whenever they had free time.

By extension, this also  happened to my daily missions, but I'll go into that in a bit. But while  I gave you that bit of information, Phineas and Ferb got dressed and  went downstairs for breakfast, the former sharing his ideas as they did.

Candace  was already there eating a bowl of cereal (and still in her pajamas,  for some reason) when they arrived. You could tell from her expression  she didn't seem to have slept well and probably had a weird dream again  or such, which rendered Phineas's question of if she slept well a  blatantly obvious one.

"No. Actually I was having some messed up  dream involving you squirts, Perry, and a crapload of violence you're  too young to hear the details about. And to be honest, a lot of the  details are too fuzzy anyway so don't ask."

Phineas was seemingly  about to reply when she interrupted him. "And if you're thinking about  doing something crazy involving that, don't. You guys give me a headache  as it is."

"We do?" Phineas's face flashed with concern. "How?"

"Well, frankly, it's pretty obvious. You guys are always-"

"Oh, good morning, kids!" Candace's statement was interrupted as none but Mr. and Mrs. (Flynn- [A/N: the surnames threw me off so don't ask])Fletcher  entered the dining room, the latter holding a reusable bag full of  goods and the former an orange cube-shaped...well, cube. Specifically a  Rubik's Cube with all the center cubes removed. There was also nothing  in the middle to indicate there ever were any to begin with. Also each  of the remaining smaller cubes seemed to be a miniature version of the  larger one.

Phineas was quick to reply. "Hey Mom, hey Dad! Whatcha  got there?" The boys approached their (in Phineas's case step)father to  get a closer look at the cube.

("So goes any chance of explanation.")

"Oh  this?" Lawrence answered. "Why, this is a Menger sponge. I found two of  them in the shipments sent to the store. We were planning on giving  them to you, boys, since we didn't order them but unfortunately, we sold  the other one by mistake. It was a maroon color and you would've loved  to see it."

"What about me?" Candace inquired

"Don't worry,  Candace. I didn't leave you out. Here's that Ducky Momo DVD you were  asking (constantly) about last week," Linda reassured her daughter as  she shuffled her hand through the bag and walked toward the table. After  a few seconds, however, her face started to fall.

"Oops. Hold on a  minute, hon, I think I may have misplaced it somewhere." She put the  bag down on the counter and started searching for the clearly missing  item.

"It's not here...nope...oh, where did I put it? I last  remember having it back at the business, maybe I left it there. I'm  sorry, honey, I think I may have lost it."

On cue, Phineas started, "Aw, that's unfortunate. Maybe we can-"

"Nooooo..." Candace interrupted before the young keet could think of something followed by saying 'I know what we're gonna do today!'.

Too  bad, from what I can tell via security footage she doesn't seem to  realize what she's missing. And it doesn't help that the boys are  evidently mainly in on it to make people happy.

"You mean you don't want us to help you find your missing DVD? Aw...well, if you insist."

"Well,  as much as I appreciate the motivation, I know you guys and I know you  would build something totally mind-blowing to do it."
(That's not  what she said when she was piloting that Treehouse Robot with her friend  Stacy last summer. It wasn't that hard to remember considering one  tripped over the zipline that Doof had shot at City Hall that day.  Meanwhile I need to cut down on statements made in parentheses.)

"Yeah, so?"

"It's not normal, Phineas!"

"So? What's wrong with that?"

A  slightly unnerving silence encompassed the entire dining room. Everyone  looked to the two siblings, one confused and the other...Well, to put  it short, if you know how to read the atmosphere it wouldn't be that  hard to tell Candace was seemingly pierced by the question.

"...Never mind. It's nothing serious. But whatever the heck your next project is, keep it small."

("I guess we could see if I really did leave it there."

"Well, it's better than nothing so I say we should look.")

"Ok, then...So, is trying to build a small translator for Perry small enough?"

"Haven't you already tried translating his speech?"

"No,  just his chattering sound, which didn't seem to mean anything and/but  for all we know could just be to emphasize his actual language, assuming  he has one, of course. This one's gonna translate way more than just  that, and if he wants he can use it at will without even making a  sound."

Hmm...Well, I'll have fun using it at work. Besides, I have a lot of choice words I want to say to someone I know.

"Huh...I don't get how you can do that without actually knowing his language but it doesn't seem that big so okay."

"Great! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!"

3,  2, 1, 0...-1, -2...oh well, not now then. Good, because they're gonna  need me to test it out on. Nice to see it's not one of those times where  one world needs me while I'm occupied with the other.

It  really didn't take that long to build the translator. Maybe 5-10  minutes and some extra time trying to figure out how to make it work  without actually having to study my language as Candace predicted but  that was it, really.

"And now for the final stage, TESTING!"  Phineas yelled hammily. Ferb picked up the translator and attached it to  my collar. The two boys bent down in front of me for closer  observation.

...

"Strange small object," I said dumbly,  being careful not to mention colors since most platypi or however you  say it are colorblind. No need to blow my cover. "Tall square human pup  carry. Short triangle head pup."

This feels so weird for some inexplicable reason.  Even now I don't know why, despite the fact that, as I have stated, I  was trying to avoid blowing my cover. Maybe it was because I had a much  larger and more detailed vocabulary than I implied, even if I would  probably piss the Grammar Nazis at least a million times this week while  using it, assuming the boys forget to add in something to automatically  correct my grammar. Which is understandable, since they didn't realize  it was important, but still...

What? I can use informal speech. After all, who doesn't around here?

"IT WORKS!"  Phineas shouted. Ferb flinched a little and had to step back. Really,  why was the former being so hammy over this one small project?  Especially considering he builds bigger things almost every day? He then  shouted toward the house. "Hey, Candace, check it out, it works!"

I  then heard a vibration that I initially though was my wrist  communicator (though normally I just call it a watch since it's quicker)  until Ferb pulled out his smartphone that he'd gotten for his birthday.

"It appears I have a text," the boy spoke, using his first line of the day. "It's from Candace. 'Hold on, I'm getting dressed.' "

Wait, Phineas was the one who called Candace. Why was she texting Ferb instead?

Then my watch vibrated. Yep, now I get called to work.

Not just yet, they'll see me. I knew I'd have to wait for the boys to both be distracted, maybe by some other idea.

"Huh. That wasn't very hard at all. We still have a lot of day left to seize." Yeah, just like that.  "Hmm...hey, Ferb, isn't it that time every four years when they have  that Everything Remotely Capable of Having a Festival for Festival?"

Ferb nodded.

"And haven't they been short an attraction since that one engineering company closed down a few years ago?"

"I believe it was called Bakenno Inc. or such. Yes they have."

"Yeah, I thought so. That or it's been really boring."

3, 2, 1.

"I know what else we're gonna do today!"

And now's a good time.

I silently but quickly walked to the hidden entrance in the side of the wall, opened the door, and dropped in.

("Hey, where's Perry? Oh well, so much for showing everyone. Never mind, Candace!")

I  dropped down into the red chair facing the screen to see...ahem,  Francis Monogram in a ridiculous hat. I think it was a sombrero but I'm  not sure.

If this is like the time that hippie who looked just  like him and had a temptation to sing showed up...Never mind. It could  be worse. I could have trouble getting to work to the point I end up  being so late the crazy scheme has already somehow disappeared on its  own...Like that one time...Huh. Funny, I used (or tried to use) the same  lair entrance that time.

And I was getting lost in my thoughts. But back to reality, where I was hearing this gem:

"This  will work great with the multicolor vest. But why is it taking so long  for Carl to find the thing? Oh well, I bet the Spexico attraction is  going to be smashing this year! Huh. Why do they call it that-oh! Agent  P! Sorry about the lack of focus, I've just been overexcited about the  Everything Remotely Capable of Having a Festival for Festival and as you  can see, I'm looking forward to the Spexico attraction...not that I  have any idea what it'll be like. But anyway, we don't know what Doof is  up to but he has blueprints all over his penthouse and a few of them  have been giving our security monitors a pain in the-"

"Ahem!" Thank you, translator. I didn't want to hear it either.

"Oh, pardon me-wait. Agent P, was that you?"

I nodded. "Phineas and Ferb built translator...seems there is no autocorrect."

I take back my previous comment. Just as I'd predicted, it lacked an autocorrect feature. Oh well, at least it comes with tone of voice.

"Well,  that's quite interesting. Are they, by any chance building an  attraction for the Everything Rema-we should probably just shorten it to  ERCOHAFFF or something...wow. The first good acronym to come from this  agency...I think. The three F's kinda ruin it."

"Indeed, it is," I responded, not really caring about the acronym thing. "And yes. Yes they are. Back to mission, please."

"Ah, excuse me. Anyway, do what you do and go stop him."

I saluted the Major and made off to my hovercar. But before I could turn on the motor, I was interrupted.

"Oh,  and Agent P? We've been examining your files and it seems you have the  longest Continuous Mission recorded as of yet, set to reach the four  year mark this week. Which isn't a bad thing if you know what you're  doing, since it seems C-Missions are incredibly common around this area.  I just thought you should know. But anyway, good luck, Agent P."

I took off after the message was finished, not exactly concerned by it but not quite interested in brushing it off either.

("Sir, I brought the vest you were looking for. Only the colors have faded so I'm not sure if you'll still want it."

"You couldn't have told me earlier, Carl?!")

Wow, four years already,  I reflected, setting the hovercar to autopilot so I could allow my  thoughts to wander. It was obvious Francis was talking about my  assignment to Doof; after all, an agent can have no more than one  C-Mission at a time, and they are, after all, exactly what they say on  the tin: any mission consisting of a series of smaller missions. For  most agents, it comes with their assignment, but not always, in which  cases it tends to be lower-priority compared to other unrelated  missions, which is especially grating if that other mission is, say, an  assigned mission far from where you live that they suspect might very  well be another C.

Frankly, what a C-Mission said about  an agent depends on the exact circumstances. For those of you who  haven't noticed but you probably have, they're incredibly common in  Danville and other parts of the Tri-State Area; hence an agent in or  from Danville usually won't get that much of a reaction from it, unless  yours had grown especially long which usually yielded at most a neutral  'Wow' (and believe me, I knew. I got that a lot). Other parts...not so  much.

The familiar jingle of DEI signaled that I would arrive at  the building soon. I pushed the thought from my mind deciding to focus  on whatever task would be at hand as I looked for a part of the floor NOT covered by blueprints where I could park my hovercar without setting fire to Doof's floor and possibly the entire building.

There  didn't seem to be one anywhere. I figured I would just park outside in  the parking lot and then take the elevator just as a rolled-up stack of  blueprints smacked me in the face.

Cue my snarky expression as Doof came out of a closet wearing a sort of belt holding another stack. "Maybe it's here somewhere-oh, hey, Perry the Platypus!"

ಠ_ಠ

...

"Let me guess, I threw that stack of blueprints right into your face, didn't I?"

I  nodded, my expression not leaving. I was thinking of waiting for an  appropriate time to show him the translator all of a sudden, since it  was occurring to me he would probably overreact otherwise.

"Well,  excuse me, Mr. Snark Knight. I lost the blueprints for my newest -inator  and I can't find them anywhere. I should really start filing these  things away better and you have nowhere to park that thing, do you?"

I shook my head.

"Oh.  Well, let me just clear this space over here and that there and..." He  started shoving some of the blueprints off to the side trying to clear  enough room for my hovercar. Frankly it took a while but after some time  I managed to finally come down and park. Still it felt like forever to  me.

"Yeah, sorry about that. But anyway, like I said I lost the  blueprints for my -inator. I was planning on...well, actually I don't  remember what I was planning but...oh." Doof had a realization. "No  wonder I can't find the blueprints. I don't know what I'm looking for!  Oh great, now I have to start all over again from scratch."

I  facepalmed. Really, how did I not see that coming? I walked back into  the hovercar, sat down, and would have taken off right then and there if  I hadn't felt the need to not waste my visit...and gas.

So I just sat there waiting to see what would happen next.

...

"So...you're staying?"

I nodded.

"Um...okay, then, if you insist but are you sure?"

I nodded again. Yes, yes, I know what I'm doing. I'm absolutely undeniably sure.

"Well,  then. I guess we can just talk if you want, even if it is more likely  than not gonna be a one-sided conversation," he conceded, sitting down  next to me.

Not necessarily. I figured now might be a  more appropriate time to introduce the translator and decided to say  something but I was instead interrupted.

"You know, I was at this  antique store yesterday and they had this weird cube thing. I looked it  up and it was a Menger cube or something. The lady said it was under  $199 or something, I forget, so I paid and left with it but in  retrospect I think she was talking about something else...Huh. She  looked like that girl from high school. You know, the one I told you  about who became a pop star?" The doctor brought out the cube in  question, and sure enough it was the missing Menger sponge I had heard  about earlier, a solid maroon color just as Mr. Fletcher had said.

Really,  these contrived coincidences have become so common it's not surprising.  What's next, did he take the DVD while he was at it?

"Then again she was  busy setting up some things that were probably merchandise, though what  she had a Ducky Nono or whatever it was DVD for I don't know."

So the DVD really was at the store. I nodded and almost wanted to laugh at the strange, unlikely coincidence.

But was it just me or was the cube glowing?

I poked the object in question and it started to glow brighter.

"Huh.  Interesting...I don't remember it glowing. Maybe there's something  wrong with it, just give me a few minutes." He got out of the seat and  started walking toward a fairly long table that seemed to be covered in  various objects that I couldn't make out from where I was...not counting  the blueprints, of course. He stood on the other side of it and pulled  out one of these by what looked like a handle but I didn't manage to see  exactly what it was. But one way or another he shoved it behind the  belt off to the side and out of my view before...taking a small rod and  poking around randomly at the cube, its glow having evolved into a light  steadily growing brighter and brighter, to the point where it seemed to  be consuming the cube and its maroon color was becoming less and less visible.

What.

I  was feeling the temptation to bang my head against something. Other  than the steering mechanism which I wasn't going to risk breaking, like  in those sitcoms where anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong.

"Yeah, I don't see anything." Because you weren't really looking.  He set the cube down on the counter as it reached its apparent  brightest point. To clarify, the light had consumed the cube to the  point where it seemed entirely made of light, its original  maroon color nothing but a faint tint that you had to look very closely  to see. Seriously, how was I not damaging my eyes by looking at it?

"Ok now it doesn't even make sense...Perry?"

I made eye contact with the doctor. That he didn't use my full name may have had something to do with it but I'm not sure.

"Either it's just me or the weird light is expanding outward from the cube."

...Oh  boy. This is gonna be like one of those stories where some random  person who ends up being an important character gets unwillingly  teleported to wherever, isn't it?

I stood up out of my seat  to examine the cube, and sure enough, the tinted light was radiating  slowly outward from its source, beginning to engulf the table as well as  the blueprints that still covered it. It accelerated as it consumed the  furniture, and began rushing down the table's legs and across the  entire floor. When it reached any of the various pieces of furniture it  would crawl up its legs and consume that as well. Eventually it had  covered the entire floor and proceeded to scale the walls and then cover  the roof. The doors weren't left out of the action either, being  assimilated as well and, if I could trust my hearing, seeming to lock in  the process.

"Yeah, this is definitely one of those stories,"  Doof remarked nervously with an understandable amount of terror, granted  his tone of voice was nonetheless more nonchalant than I would have  expected, but not by much. Actually, I didn't notice either until I  thought back to it.

Strangely, it wasn't as unnerving as fiction  usually makes it. I figured it was probably because it showed up too  much there. And judging by the comment quoted above, I wasn't the only  one who noticed this.

Doof started walking toward me as the last  bit of untouched room was assimilated and the entrance to the balcony  from which the hovercar had flown in through was sealed off by a cascade  of maroon tendrils that grew into vines as they lengthened emerging  from the edges of the light (which strangely had not left the room).  They knitted themselves together tightly such that they were virtually  impossible to pierce through or even lay a nick on.

Well, we're screwed.

The  vines obscured any view of outside before melding together into a solid  maroon wall. It didn't seem weak enough to break down or take apart in  any way partly due to the fact that it still had the shape of the  individual vines, but frankly there was no way I could just stay here  for however long whoever or whatever decided. I walked up to  examine the wall for any weak spots I could tear down, and gave a  displeased and somewhat frustrated look when I found none.

I was  about to punch the wall in frustration before hearing a pointless "I  think you should stay away from that wall. I have a bad feeling about  this."

Wait, when did Doof get behind me? And yeah, that second sentence was soooooo not for obvious reasons.

I turned around thinking Yeah sure but why not?, holding a hand out for emphasis. Seriously, Dr. D, is that the best you can come up with?

"...What?  I'm suspicious, that's all! And if one of those vines detaches itself  and grabs your arm (like right now), I have the right to say 'I told you  so'."

Oh yeah. Ha ha. Very rea- wait.

Sure enough,  one of the vines was extending from the wall and wrapping itself around  my arm, moving upward in my direction. I struggled to pull it away to  no avail.

Well, will you look at that. The one time he's right  about something and it's an apparent threat. That another vine then  decided to grab my other arm and a third my tail didn't help. I tried  pulling away but it didn't do me any good.

It was apparent there  weren't any tools or anything that would help me, the ones I brought  with me out of reach and everything in the room apart from myself and  Doof having been assimilated...wait...

Actually never mind. I  turned to him but he was busy trying to pry a full-size vine that had  extended from the wall at some point off his ankle and to be blunt, it  didn't seem intent on going anywhere either.

"...This verdamnt vine...Why isn't it moving?"

Whatever he does, it's best he not comment about his hands which is pretty much tempting fate in this case.

"...Least my hands are free."

And then it promptly decided to tie both of his hands to that foot.

...

"Yeah,  I had that coming." He tried kicking the vine with his other foot but  instead just ended up injuring something judging by his reaction (which  consisted of cursing repeatedly in English and German. I think he may  have also thrown in an "I told you so" but my memory's a little foggy).

...He looks busy.

I  turned away, figuring he wouldn't really help me very much here. I  began attempting to loosen the vine that had ensnared my entire left arm  by this point and ignore the squeezing sensation plaguing my tail at  the same time even though it was obvious it wouldn't work.

Suddenly  the wall turned a dark navy blue and then split apart off to the sides  like a massive door (but a lot messier), revealing a bright, yet  incredibly cold light like that which had assimilated the room. I  finally gave up struggling to observe the change and half-figured this  would be the part where the random portal shows up in fiction and drags  in the unsuspecting protagonist. The walls/doors then extended deeper  inward toward the assumed portal before starting to crumble.

Oh crap doesn't even begin  to describe the scene. The resultant adrenaline rush wasn't  overwhelming, thank God, but to say it didn't make my blood run cold  would be a lie. I tuned out anything that wouldn't save my life, the  fight-or-flight response kicking in quite strongly.

The doors  devolved back into the vines that had made them before fragmenting into  small pieces that fell backwards into the portal, turning red before  finally fading from view. I simply stared at the portal as it devoured  what had become of the doors, sort of like how many people imagine a  black hole when they watch too much science fiction, only the portal in  question wasn't black at all.

And this is where I distract myself  and you with an unneeded statement about how fiction always gets things  wrong and you, the audience, fail to realize this and perceive things  the wrong way. Believe me, Pinky has tried the 'picture people naked'  thing and it doesn't work. In fact, it's probably a better option that  you just spout a non-sequitur and build on it, like I'm doing right now.

Oh, who am I kidding? It doesn't work.

That  my restraints were breaking apart into tiny pieces and then flying away  did not go unnoticed, and it wasn't that hard to figure out what often  comes after this part, except when it doesn't. It wasn't that long  before my tail and one of my arms had been released and I was attempting  to pull myself back toward the room along the breaking one hanging  weakly around my other. I was just barely able against the pull tearing  apart the wall/door to move a few feet upwards before releasing it and  climbing slowly upward.

At least I attempted, but the pull grew  steadily stronger and the vines' disintegration was quickening faster  than I could avoid just climbing straight up. I quickly thought of a  plan, though, and never felt so relieved to bring my grappling hook.

I  took it out, putting it in front of me so it wouldn't be snatched away,  and immediately located a table leg from the same table from earlier  when the light had begun spreading outward. Great.

I just needed a better firing angle. I climbed up, just enough to shoot and...

...I misstepped.

The vine crumbled under my feet and my balance was thrown off. It just happened I managed to drop  my grappling hook trying instinctively and without coordination to  regain a stable position and then ended up falling inwards myself. I  felt the gravitation steadily growing irresistible while being dragged  rapidly into...whatever the assumed portal led to.

I briefly  berated myself for my moment of stupidity as I realized it before  deciding not to fight the pull in case I needed to save my energy, and I  knew in the back of my mind that I did...somehow. I don't know how I  knew, the thought just came over me and I could feel someone would be in  danger...

Someone in danger...

Wait, what about-

I  failed to finish the thought before a final tug sent me off. I was  shortly greeted by what appeared to be small, photo-size squares before  abruptly blacking out.

*ring ring*

Hello? Wait, you're China? The personification from Hetalia?

China: Yes, and I want the Great Wall back.

What are you talking about, I don't have  the Great Wa-wait, are you talking about the giant Author's Note at the  beginning of this chapter? Oh, sorry, that's not it. Look, I'll get  back to you in a bit and help you find it but for now I'm busy so bye!  *hangs up*

...Yeah, I spend too much  time on TV Tropes. I just parodied X Called, They Want Their Y Back  while making a Shout Out to Hetalia-Axis Powers *shot* Huh. I wonder how  much money I'd have if I had a nickel for every trope in this chapter  'cause it feels pretty darn Troperiffic (or at least Trope Overdosed) by  my standards. Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking, Overly-Long Gag, yeah I  could do this all day.

Anyway, I'd  like to credit Maniac's Maniac for helping me with some of the later  plot points. They were giving me a hard time and I didn't know what to  do with them. I'd also like to thank NattyMc for helping me decide on  weapons for the characters even though technically I came up with the  list myself. But hey, I wouldn't have though of playing the trope known  as Whip It Good if she hadn't suggested it...ok, I need to calm down  with the TV Tropes.

And for those of  you who are wondering, yes, P&F and co. will get involved. Really,  that Lawrence gave the boys a cube of their own should have made it  obvious. Also for those of you who know what I was getting at when I  said that for readers familiar with Higurashi/HetaOni one of those plot  points is anyone's guess, you're free to guess which character ends up  falling victim to it but please don't spoil it to anyone who doesn't  know what I'm talking about 'cause if you do I will  bribe Steve the Alien into hunting you down and killing you. Those who  don't, I recommend both stories to you, they're worth the read. Only I'd  like to point out HetaOni is still ongoing as well as on hiatus so  you're gonna have to put up with a severely unnerving cliffhanger and  the Higurashi anime sucks compared the series's other merchandise.

I  was originally gonna have Chapter 2 be a part of this but it was  getting pretty long as it is so I just decided against it. Meanwhile I  don't know why</span>  exactly I decided to give Perry a translator, partly since I'm not even  sure he'll need it (he only got like two or three lines of dialogue  this chapter!). I mainly just stuck it in there just in case so don't  shoot me for it. Now, I'd like to point out that this takes place a year  after the main series. I read something about Season 3 happening a year  after 1 and 2 but it seems more like that person didn't do the research  so I would enjoy some clarification. In addition, Perry does  indeed get snarkier in scenes with just him and Doof when the former  narrates. I actually have him as an inversion of the typical Tsundere  though whether TV Tropes would consider him a type B or just an  inversion I don't know since I don't really see the line between the  two.

Now I've gotta help China find the Great Wall so I'll see you again next chapter! Bye!